My Very First Blog!! Whoop Whoop

Left a Guaranteed Income to Pursue God’s Purpose

Yes, you read that correctly. I quit my job. I left right before I was to receive my bonus and new raise. I was promised my raise, and then they told me it wouldn’t happen. Isn’t that lovely? But I don’t dwell on those things. God has a bigger vision.

Three weeks later, I’m in a private hotel room in Bangkok, Thailand (V One Pride Sukhumvit-22).

The sounds of engines revving surround me, the rumble of motorbikes, peels of ecstatic laughter, exuberant chants of kittens as their owners come home, while embracing the sting of the sun rays upon my naked shoulders as I navigate the uneven cobblestones of the block.

The people around me are going about their everyday lives; the beautiful lady on the corner with the ruby red lips who asks, “Would you like a massage” or the young man pushing his cart with the freshly cut fruit of different colors and flavors.

The seasoned gentleman I passed with the sun-kissed, weathered skin with a smile.

This morning I had breakfast at a quaint little pastry shop named ‘Nine Pastry’ where I enjoyed a cheese and spinach quiche with a melt-in-your-mouth pastry crust and a dark chocolate iced latte with almond milk.

Even though the food was terrific, it was the interaction with the people I enjoyed the most. The shy barista with a beautiful smile. The rough around the edges, with expressive eyebrows but sparkling eyes of the pastry chef.

Sitting at the three-chair table, I watched the traffic go up and down the street during their morning commutes and enjoyed the beauty of God around me.

So how did I end up here? Seriously, how many people quit their jobs and travel to the other side of the world because of something God told them?

In December 2019, I had one of the biggest scares of my life. Anyone that knows me knows that my mother is my world.

One morning I got up, and I was getting ready for work. At this time, I was working from home. This was before the start of the pandemic in March of 2020. It was still gearing up, but it hadn’t quite hit yet.

Anyway, she’s standing by the stairs and tells me she’s having difficulty breathing. So I woke up my little sister, and we rushed her to the hospital.

If you don’t live in America and were wondering why I didn’t call the ambulance to get her, just understand that a ten-minute drive to the hospital was $10,000 that we did not have.

Anyway, we get there and find out her oxygen level is below 70. Immediately, they rush around and hook her up to machines and devices. Wires are attached to her in different arrays, like a confusing spider web.

I’m the oldest child, grandchild, and everything else. So I’m panicking inside and want to fall out and cry. But I can’t do that. Because if I show the weakness inside of me, then they won’t have anyone to lean on. So I hold onto it.

After a few hours, they get us into a room. They inform us that she’ll need to have surgery. Unfortunately, my mother was suffering from pulmonary embolisms. She had blood clots in BOTH of her lungs.

They traveled up from her varicose veins in her ankles.

The one constant in my life besides my sister was at risk of dying. I didn’t know what to do. Everyone was calling me, wanting to know what was going on. I mean, I understood they were scared but could no one see my fear too?

When she went into surgery, I went off by myself to say a prayer. I believed in God at this time but didn’t do everything correctly. To be honest with you, I wasn’t doing what I was supposed to do at all.

When she pulled through her surgery, I breathed a sigh of relief.

That was short-lived because 18 months later, we were back again for the same thing.

This time her doctor was better, and she has been pretty good.

So let’s fast forward a little bit to 2021. The year I decided I was indeed going to get my stuff together.

I started writing again in June of 2021 when I started doing a goal brunch with some friends.

When I rediscovered my love for writing, I felt a weight come off my chest. But, during this time, I also re-evaluated my relationship with God.

It was slow going. Everyone knows when something suits you; accepting it always takes us the longest.

I know I’m not alone.

So here I am, finding myself in 2021 and thriving. Then I start getting these feelings that something just isn’t right. I need to be doing more. However, I wasn’t free to do those things.

So I waited a little longer. I prayed some more. I started watching church online and reading my bible.

Meditating.

I was trying to find my center. I was looking for me.

That little girl had so many hopes and dreams but allowed the pressures of society to dictate her next move.  

But I was still hitting roadblocks that I couldn’t seem to overcome.

In May of 2022, after I had published my children’s book, I should have been over the moon and touring the galaxy in happiness.

However, my depression was so severe I was contemplating suicide.

My faith in God was there, but it was still so new, and it was like being a baby trying to learn how to do everything all over again.

I was offered an opportunity of a lifetime in June of 2022, and I immediately jumped at it.

Why?

Cause it was going to fill the emptiness. Right?

What I didn’t sit to think about at the time was how I was going to travel and take care of this new responsibility.

When the opportunity fell through, I was simultaneously relieved and heartbroken.

Heartbroken because I wanted this opportunity. This newfound love that I had never experienced.

However, I was relieved because I was just starting to understand myself. I had been in a depression since 2017, and I had finally woken up to my life, and I felt obliged to take this opportunity. At the time, I was 32 years old.

The saying your eggs are drying up and turning into powder was heavy in my mind.

Let me tell you.

So even though things didn’t happen as I planned, God always has a plan.

In June of 2022, I told my supervisor that I was quitting.

She kept asking me. She knew something was happening to me but wasn’t sure what it was. I was still doing my work, but my aura had changed. Anyone who was around me for an extended period saw it as well.

So I told her.

No, I’m not quitting now. But I will be leaving you in March.

I had been praying to God and telling him I wanted to be free. Instead, I felt like I was in a box, and all the oxygen left it every time I tried to take a deep breath. I was suffocating, and everyone around me didn’t see the air leaking from my lungs.

No one could understand what I meant when I said I wanted to be free.

Free from responsibility.

Free from the pressure to perform.

Free from being perfect.

Free from being strong.

Free from time.

I was tired of chasing time.

I was constantly feeling like I was running out of time.

Graduate high school at 18

Graduate college at 22

Husband at 26.

First child at 28.

But these things weren’t happening in the order I needed them to do so.

I got on social media and started following different bloggers who were doing the things I wanted to do in life.

Traveling to new places.

Enjoying life to the fullest.

I was in awe of the beauty of it all.

By now, I had already published my first book.

I wrote my first book when I was 15 years old.

It was a story about a mother hooked on drugs, and her daughter became pregnant by her mother’s suppliers when she was given to them for a hit.

A whole mess of things, to be honest with you. It’s somewhere on a floppy disk.

For those too young to remember a floppy disk, Lordt, help us. Cause I don’t know how to explain it. Lol.

Back to the story at hand, though. I had just published my first children’s book. The Mis-Adventures of Cairo: Book 1: Adoption Day. My cat is a hot mess and needed to be shared with the masses asap.

I love writing. It is most certainly my passion. However, I worked a 9-5, and writing was hard. However, I felt like I had an out with writing. I felt like I would finally have the freedom I was longing for.

So in July, I stood in my kitchen with my mom and little sister. I told them I was going to quit my job and travel abroad.

They thought I was crazy.

Naw, like, for real, bat shit crazy. My sister told me I needed to go to therapy cause something wasn’t right.

Of course, something wasn’t right! I was dying before them; no one saw me gasping for air.

After I told them, they looked at me skeptically. Because let’s be honest here for a moment.

Who quits their job to travel the world when they are less than a middle-class earner??!

I legit made less than $40K a year. After taxes, I brought home $28,000.00 net income. My rent was $1951 a month. Utilities ranged from $450 a month, and I hadn’t eaten yet.

I was barely making it with different bills and trying to live a simple life without doing something illegal. I was looking at trades, get-rich schemes, anything to stop toeing the poverty line.

But I digress. I have moved onto bigger and better things now.

As I’m sitting in my hotel lobby overlooking the busy streets, and watching people go about their lives, I embrace how far I have come. To some, it may not seem far.

But this morning, I could enjoy not one but two beautiful conversations. One gentleman was from Australia but had lived here for the last 15 years, and the other young man was from Sweden, a journalist of 45 years thinking of writing his own stories soon. Time for me is no longer the same. Time is what I make of it, and with my newfound freedom, I no longer feel like it’s going to waste.

So if you have wanted to step outside of the box; if you have wanted to travel the world and experience something new; or even if you just want to do something different than what you are currently doing?

DO IT.

The one thing we lose every day, and no matter how much money we have, we can never repurchase, is TIME. Make your time yours.

LIVE YOUR LIFE FULL, SO YOU CAN DIE EMPTY.

Oh, if you haven’t picked up ‘The Best Part’ what are you waiting for? Check out my gallery for links to my published books, and to see the up and coming titles as well.

Oh, and yes, I create own book covers. Downloaded the software and sat through over a dozen hours on "YouTube University" to learn. Anything is possible when you make up your mind and push for something better. Trust God and move for it.

Don’t book me yet for book covers. I’m still perfecting it. I’ll let you know when I’m ready though. Until then tootles…